Criticise this!
17 Oct 2024or perhaps Learn to Shut Up
Everyone fancies themself as a critic. Everyone who can’t do a thing but reckons if they did do it then it would be better than you could do it. Music, film-making, art, whatever.
Art. Load of old rubbish.
It’s the premise of half the internet now. Imdb or Yelp or Glassdoor or wherever you go. What do you think? Feel important, share your feelings.
Time was you could go to YouTube to learn how to do something. You could change your oil filter or wire a plug or tie a bow tie or write an application in Fortran. Now it’s wall to wall feelings and opinions. Skills are so gauche. Have a shout about something instead.
Everyone is in on it. I open the Guardian to find something to get angry at and I find that in amongst the unchallenged opinions of TERFs or crude justifications for the latest human rights violation of an ally, the editors are begging me personally to have feelings about yesterday’s celebrity death or big screen comic book adaptation. Come on, I’m busy. Ask Adrian Chiles.
Speaking of Adrian Chiles, there’s a great genre of feelings on the internet where ignorance is seen as a kind of virtuous purity. You’ve probably seen them. Person new to X picks their favourite tool for X. I don’t want the headphones someone who doesn’t like music prefers. They don’t know what they are talking about. Japanese chefs choose the best Cornish pasty. Okay great.
This phenomenon is literally the premise of Emily in Paris. Knowing nothing is a superpower, not a liability. Education is holding you back. In the land of the idiots, the person with one idea is king.
Did you even watch the new Joker film if you haven’t told someone else they are stupid for liking it or hating it or not really caring about it? Everything is “underrated” or “overrated” which is just some guy saying “I like this” or “I don’t like this” but with a bonus slice of “other people are wrong” except that it’s something pointless anyway like Call of Duty or Metallica or a Porsche.
Totally overrated probably.
Let’s be honest. There’s a segment of the population who have never been told that their opinions aren’t interesting. They are the people who have never considered it but if asked would say that they are well above average at both driving and sex.
It’s the premise of the modern world. It’s Simon Cowell or it’s Top Gear or it’s Pitchfork or it’s Roger Ebert. Who wants to waste time creating anything real when you can come up with a witty way to put down someone else’s effort?
It’s the straight white male dream. The zero effort route to validation. Your hate itself is your true value. Knowing anything was always going to be a waste of time. When that guy on Reddit mentions Gamestop again you’ll be the one who gets a Lambo.
Need a target for your hate? Try something that isn’t aimed at you. Laugh at the obvious deficiencies of the latest pop singer or teen drama. The lazier the better. You know what I hate? That “brat” green colour.
Go and do something. Put it out there or keep it in your bedroom. I’ll make you a deal. I’ll pretend I don’t hate it. You can shut up.
